You must be reading this article because you have noticed your boyfriend showing more than normal interest in watching bikini-clad females online on TikTok.Â
Like any other social media app or online resource, it will continue to give him recommendations based on what he’s watching. On the TikTok home screen, you’ll see a continuous stream of videos tailored to your interests.
Should you be worried about these videos of girls? Is it a big deal? Or should you just ignore it? How should you handle this situation?
Understandably, you’re worried. The roving eyes of a boyfriend are always a concern. But, in this instance, he isn’t ogling at the girls around him. Instead, he’s watching videos of skimpily-dressed and twerking females online on social media apps like TikTok. Should you make a fuss or let it go?
As they say, boys are boys. Their eyes tend to wander and get stuck on beautiful women, irrespective of where they are and who is with them. This may be nothing to worry about or may be a cause for alarm. This depends on where you are in your relationship.
This article delves deep into the nitty-gritty of relationships and comes up with definitive answers to your question. Let’s get started.
Is it right for your boyfriend to look at other females on TikTok?
When you notice your boyfriend staring at such videos of girls on social media apps like TikTok, you are bound to have an array of negative feelings. Jealousy, anxiety, insecurity, and irritation are just a few.
Do you know that he will feel the same way if the role is reversed? If he finds you enjoying the videos of handsome dudes on social media, he will also go through the same feelings. Whether this is significant to your relationship or not, as a human being, these feelings are natural. So, there is no need for you to feel guilty or ashamed about it.
The fact that you feel jealous and insecure means you value your relationship and love your boyfriend. You feel anxious that he will stray and leave you. Your feelings underline your fear of losing your boyfriend.
Before you decide how to handle such a boyfriend, you should understand some male psychology and get a grip on the situation.
1. Men are naturally inclined to notice beautiful women
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. In simple terms, their brains don’t work the same way. Even though our society considers monogamy the norm, men have an innate inclination to gravitate towards the female of the species.
This is true even when they are in a relationship. Man, it is believed, is wired to feel sexual attraction for multiple women. While most men try to follow societal norms and keep their urges under check, at least some find it difficult to manage this. Some men try to steer clear of female friends in real life and whet their appetite with TikTok videos of nubile girls.
Many studies have confirmed that men like to watch such videos of females online for 30 minutes to an hour every day. However, this doesn’t mean these men are unhappy in their relationships. This is where your reaction gains importance. As long as this remains a harmless activity, there is no need for you to make a big deal. In fact, this may harm your relationship.
Most men may feel compelled to look at other girls or females online and may even feel that these girls are more attractive and beautiful than their partners. You need to understand that this sexual attraction for the girls is a momentary feeling and it will vanish as fast as it comes on.
If you have a strong and healthy relationship with your boyfriend, there is no need to worry.
2. In some men, this behavior is a cause for concern
While in most men, this may be a passing fancy for young and beautiful girls, in some others, this needs to be treated as a red flag. One of the easiest ways to distinguish between the two is the health of your relationship. If your relationship is rock solid, there is no cause for concern. However, if there are tremors and fissures in your relationship, this may be an indication of things going downhill.
Trust and communication are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. If you feel your relationship is lacking in one or both, you need to be more alert. Here are a few red flags that you can use to gauge the health of your relationship.
He isn’t nice to you and doesn’t appreciate you. Even if he is a man of few words, he should know how to express his love and affection for you.
- He believes he has the right to stray, but expects you to stay loyal to him.
- He takes his own time to return your calls or reply to your texts. However, he expects you to be there at his beck and call.
- He doesn’t talk about the future or include you in his plans. You indeed need to live in the present, but making future plans together is a way of assuring your partner of your intentions.
- He makes you feel guilty, inferior, and insignificant. He wants you to behave and dress the way he likes. You get the feeling that he doesn’t like or accept you for who you are.
If any of these scenarios ring true to you, you are justified in feeling insecure and anxious about his behavior. The ideal thing for you to do is to talk to him about how you feel.
3. Choose your words wisely
Whether you initiate an open conversation with him or show your reaction through actions, you must pay attention to how he will perceive this. Clearly, you are in love with him and want to continue the relationship. So, creating an ugly scene or causing bad blood would be counterproductive.
So, instead of pointing fingers at him and his actions and accusing him of misconduct, you can focus on how his behavior makes you feel. If he values your relationship and continues to love you, he will understand your concern and change his wayward behavior.
On your part, make it easier for him to see the situation from your perspective. Remain calm even if you are boiling inside. Ensure that he doesn’t feel threatened.
Probably, he isn’t aware of how his behavior is affecting you. His intention is never to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. If this is the case, he will rein in his wandering eyes when you point it out to him. Neither would he feel offended when you point fingers at his wayward behavior.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t show any inclination to change his behavior, it’s time you reconsider your relationship with him.
4. He makes you feel insecure and insane
So, your boyfriend looks at other females on TikTok and this makes you feel inadequate and anxious. You know that communication is essential for a healthy relationship and you initiate a conversation. However, your boyfriend rubbishes your concerns and invalidates you. He implies or outright accuses you of being insane. In the end, you feel more insecure than earlier.
This technique is quite common in relationships. Known by many terms such as gaslighting, manipulating, and emotional abuse, you are made to question your own sanity and power of reasoning. By dismissing your feelings, he is creating a toxic atmosphere in the relationship.
Some such boyfriends may also turn the tables on you by accusing you of imagining things. As a result, you are made to feel at fault and guilty on top of feeling anxious and insecure. This is definitely not a healthy environment for a loving relationship.
You can give him a chance or two to reform his behavior. If this is a part of his personality, the probability of such a change is quite low. The only option left for you would be to walk out of the relationship.
5. Keep your reaction within limits
When you first come across your boyfriend watching bikini-clad females online on TikTok, you may feel infuriated. You may feel justified in blowing your top over this and creating a scene. However, if you still love your boyfriend and want to continue in the relationship, your reaction needs to be restrained.
We tend to say things in the heat of the moment that we regret later on. As they say, you cannot take back the words. You can only say sorry for them. So, be careful about how you go about registering your protest about this incident.
Also, when your protest is too loud and vehement, he may mistake it as your attempt to control him. He may not want to be in a restrictive relationship and walk out of it eventually.
Despite the circumstances, if you want to save your relationship, you need to work on creating an atmosphere that is happy, secure, and relaxed. You shouldn’t make him feel insecure about how he behaves with female friends or the videos of girls that he watches on his phone.
You may be able to stop him from viewing such videos on social media with scare tactics, but it will be short-lived.
Is password sharing ideal among couples?
In some ways, this step can help build trust in a relationship. When you share passwords, you are declaring yourself as an open book and that you have nothing to hide. This may work when there is a breach of trust between couples.
However, this may do more harm than good. Setting personal boundaries and retaining their own individuality are also vital for a healthy relationship. By sharing passwords, this invisible boundary is being breached and the sense of independence and individuality tends to disappear. This can only harm the relationship in the long run.
When two individuals come together in a relationship, there should be mutual respect and trust without resorting to such practices. Without trust and respect, no relationship can survive for long. Sharing passwords may be a temporary solution, but this can only create more distance between the couple. Because, if the partners use the password to check each other’s social media accounts, they are seeking proof of their suspicions and insecurities.
The better idea would be to talk to each other openly about their feelings and insecurities.
The Bottom Line
It would help you as well as the relationship if you keep your expectations realistic. Your boyfriend watching other girls twerking on TikTok is not a big deal as long as he’s in love with you. As they say, you need to choose your battles wisely. Wisdom is in knowing which ones to pick and which ones to avoid.
If you feel uncomfortable with his behavior, you should talk it out with him. Try to find a middle path that is acceptable to both of you. With honesty and trust, you can figure a way out of the tricky situation you find yourself in.
