Have you noticed your boyfriend only holds your hand or shows affection when you’re in public? But he makes little effort to be physically close or intimate when you’re alone.
Public displays of affection (PDA) can be exciting for couples. A little PDA like hand-holding or a kiss might make you feel loved when others can see. However, problems arise if affection only happens publicly rather than privately.
There are several reasons why your boyfriend may save affectionate behavior just for times when others are watching, including showing off his PDA, wanting to see your reaction, or inexperience in a relationship. However, certain fixes can help bring more balance to how he interacts with you, no matter the setting.
This article will state 9 common reasons for a boyfriend who loves to show affection in public and helpful tips to cope with the situation. Let’s move on.
9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Might Only Show Affection in Public
1. Wants to make an ex or rival jealous
Your affectionate in-public boyfriend could be trying to make someone jealous – perhaps an ex or a rival. By pretending to show PDA, he wants to flaunt that you’re in a relationship.
That’s pretty manipulative if he doesn’t like getting physically close when you’re alone. He might not have severe feelings if his motives stay confined to you.
Before accusing him of deception, have an honest talk about what you both want – his reason for only being affectionate publicly may come from insecurity rather than malicious intent.
2. Enjoys the thrill and attention of public displays of affection
Some people get a rush from public displays of affection. Your boyfriend may crave that thrill of showing PDA even if he doesn’t want to hold hands or spend quality time alone.
For him, the attention and reactions fuel his love of public affection. But this thrill-seeking behavior means he feels less inclined to connect with you at a deeper, more comfortable level of intimacy.
While the excitement of public affection is fun, emphasize that you crave quieter yet still passionate private moments to balance the extroverted side of your relationship.
3. Is not that serious about the relationship
If your boyfriend only wants to show PDA, he may not be taking the relationship as seriously as you. His lack of interest in getting comfortable together in private signals his level of commitment is lower.
You feel more like a plaything than a genuine partner sometimes. Ask yourself if you’re truly compatible if he doesn’t reciprocate your love languages.
Though having an open conversation first to understand where he feels the relationship is at – assuming different priorities without communicating may undermine an otherwise loving bond.
4. Obsessing over an ex
Hanging on an ex can make it hard for your boyfriend to get close to you. He may still be stuck on old memories and hopes to rekindle something.
Even if you spend quality time together, his mind stays elsewhere, destroying intimacy. Until he moves forward from his past, your attempts to connect further might keep hitting a wall.
If he is open, kindly suggest speaking to a counselor to unpack lingering feelings so he can be fully emotionally available in your shared relationship.
5. You don’t encourage private affection
There’s nothing wrong if you don’t initiate much physical touch or true love gestures on your own. But that might indicate to your boyfriend that you don’t make him feel comfortable getting affectionate in personal space.
Open up about desires before assuming the worst – a little empathy goes a long way. Consider taking small risks to demonstrate affection more often so he feels equally invited into that intimacy without shame over wanting it.
6. Wants to see your reaction to the public affection
The public display could be your boyfriend’s cue to gauge your response. He might feel unsure if those types of holding hands in public gestures please you, so it’s his divisive way to test the waters.
Pay attention to when he tries it and if certain people are around. Your response matters to him more than making you feel cared for.
However, give him the benefit of the doubt before assuming the worst – he may just be attempting to connect in awkward ways because he lacks confidence in reading you.
7. Trying to gradually get you comfortable with affection
An inexperienced person who doesn’t know how relationships progress may think that spending time in public together helps build enough comfort to get physically affectionate later. But intimacy requires a vulnerability that public settings discourage.
Keep communicating what affection means for you while guiding his attempts gently. Avoid making him feel inadequate if he struggles with vulnerability; instead, share what makes you feel cared for in the spirit of inviting him into greater intimacy when he feels safe.
8. He’s inexperienced with relationships
If your boyfriend acts intimate only in public, he might have little experience nurturing real intimacy or reading love languages in a partnership.
His amateur moves seem performative rather than heartfelt. Have compassion as you spend time revealing your inner world instead of assuming compatibility too soon.
Try introducing him slowly to what emotional and physical affection means to you by sharing vulnerable stories, favorite romantic gestures, and trusted bonding activities.
9. Wants others to see he’s in a relationship
Being in a cute couple can feel socially validating for insecure people, even if the connection lacks substance. Your guy might crave that external validation through public displays more than bonding.
Until he works on self-confidence, your relationship staging is less about you and more about appearance. Try to understand where his insecurity comes from with empathy, but also make clear boundaries around needing more attention privately before things progress further.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Only Shows Affection Publicly
Communicate clearly
Have an open and non-judgmental chat about affection expectations. Explain what you need in a long-term relationship while trying to understand each other’s love languages.
If he doesn’t like a particular touch or doesn’t make you feel cared for, don’t mind bringing up examples politely. Communication mends gaps.
Initiate private affection
Take the lead in showing physical closeness in personal space if possible. Plan regular date nights every other day as part of a routine.
Watch your partner’s interest when he’s alone with you. Affection takes the initiative, so model that urge before claiming anything about a relationship mismatch.
Focus on emotional connection
Bonding as friends who understand each other’s stories, families, and dreams comes before pairing up as romantic partners.
Learn to be vulnerable before physical. Like people who take sex slowly, build your level of comfort through communication before contact.
It’s important not to force physical intimacy before both people feel genuinely secure and connected mentally/emotionally; otherwise, it will undermine the depth of the relationship in the end.
Observe who he’s trying to impress
Pay attention to who is around when your boyfriend suddenly shows PDA. If he doesn’t act with the same affection alone, the public displays cater to specific desired reactions.
Spot friends, rivals, and exes hovering nearby for clues. His insecurity could tied to external validation. Try not to overanalyze or make assumptions, though – sometimes people show affection publicly because they feel happy and expressive in the moment, not due to manipulative motives.
Learn about his experiences
Ask how previous relationships made him think about intimacy to understand his comfort zone better. Listen without judgment as he discloses stories, patterns, and hopes. Patience helps teach, while learning builds empathy.
Try to be supportive if he opens up about past hurts or betrayals that make it difficult for him to be affectionate without feeling self-conscious or scared. Meeting him with compassion instead of frustration will go a long way in building understanding and trust.
Make him comfortable
Suggest affection ideas for private settings you think he’ll like based on past experiences. Agree to his timeline for getting cozy while encouraging small steps forward through rewards.
Move at the pace he feels OK with. Checking in periodically about his comfort level and whether he feels any pressure will help ensure he doesn’t feel pushed too fast before he is ready.
Final Thoughts
If your boyfriend only acts affectionately in public, it is worth considering whether this dynamic meets your needs in the long run. Yes, some interest when he’s around others is normal.
We all want to be seen positively by society. But extreme repulsive reactions in private signal something off about your bond.
Have an honest disclosure talk to understand his true feelings. Keep an eye on the relationship balance. Give guidance, not ultimatums, for improving intimacy.
Still, staying with someone who refuses to connect beyond staged acts may hurt you worse later. Weigh options mindfully – you deserve fulfillment.
The conclusion summarizes the problem and suggests open communication for understanding motives and evaluating the next steps mindfully. Please let me know if you want me to modify or expand this conclusion draft!
