As we develop as individuals, we make some new relationships and leave a few old ones. That is the norm in human relationships.
Just because we leave a relationship and have no contact doesn’t mean we wipe clean our memories and thoughts about the person. We do remember them and keep in contact occasionally after the breakup. This is true for romantic as well as platonic relationships.
However, it is a bit different for romantic relationships. After the breakup, both you and your ex have moved on in life. Maybe even found new partners and ended up in rebound relationships. What if your ex contacts you after you broke up and months of no contact?
If this happens one time by chance, there’s nothing unusual about it. You can write it off as “it happens.” But if your ex is suddenly showing up in your life way too often to be ignored, it’s a red flag. It’s natural for you to ask, “What’s up?”
This should make you sit and take notice. You may want to figure out the reason behind your ex’s unusual behavior. Read on. You will find here listed some of the most common reasons why your ex is contacting you after the breakup.
10 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Contacting You After They Moved On
1. Your ex is still stuck in the relationship
Your ex showed every sign of having moved on after the breakup. They declared the same to everyone who would listen to them. They even got into a rebound relationship. But, in reality, they haven’t.
Strange as this may sound, some people find it hard to move on with their lives after a breakup. This is especially so if they valued the relationship and the breakup was unexpected. When they declared to the world that they had moved on, they were, in fact, trying to convince themselves.
But don’t jump to conclusions. They haven’t moved on after the breakup may not mean that they still love you or want to rekindle the relationship. You were an integral part of their life for so long that your proximity is comforting to them.
2. Your ex continues to be in love with you
You may think that after the not-so-easy breakup, your ex would want to get as far away from you as they can. But our minds work in mysterious ways. They may have tried to forget you and move on but couldn’t manage this. The simple fact is that they still love you despite being in a rebound relationship.
It may have taken them some time after the breakup to realize their feelings toward you. Or maybe they still haven’t sorted this out. But they feel this incredible urge to contact you and keep in touch with you. But they may feel awkward about it. So your ex may create excuses to contact you.
3. Your ex would like to stay friends
After the breakup, there was so much heartache that your ex stayed away from you to heal and move on. But now things have stabilized, and your ex feels that they are in a better place than ever. They must be feeling bad about how the breakup happened and how your relationship ended. They may want to make up for the ugly breakup and want the two of you to stay friends.
This is quite understandable that your ex is concerned about how you ended things. After all, you have so much to share and remember. You spend some of the best times in your life with each other. It would be really sad to let go of those memories after the breakup. Moreover, your ex must miss being friends with you.
Remember the time prior to dating and relationships? You were just friends. Your ex may be looking forward to going back to that. If you agree to give them a second chance, ensure to set boundaries.
4. Your ex is trying to guilt-trip you
If this is the case, your ex is blaming you entirely for the breakup. All they want from you is for you to own up to the mistakes you made in the relationship. All this while, they may have expected you to turn up at their doorstep with an apology for the way you treated them. By now, it’s clear to your ex that you don’t consider yourself guilty or have any intention of apologizing for the breakup.
Your indifferent and callous behavior is causing heartburn to your ex. Finally, they decide to take matters into their own hands and contact you to get their revenge. There is no good intention in this move. Your ex is trying to hurt you.
5. Your ex is trying to make you suffer
Your ex may turn rogue after you broke up and try to hurt you if the breakup was nasty. Whether it’s true or not, your ex blames you entirely for it. They may have fought really hard to save the relationship, but you may have walked out of it in the end.
Relationships are hard, and breakups are harder. How your relationship will turn out to be after the breakup is unpredictable. If your ex took it to heart that you’re the villain of the story, they will do everything they can to make you suffer. The present move to contact you is also part of this strategy.
6. Your ex wants to let you know about their current relationship
You guys broke up and went your separate ways. The breakup must have been hard initially for both of you to accept the change and move on in life. After some struggle, this is what you both managed to achieve. You both moved on. Most probably, both of you ended up in rebound relationships and are happy in life.
Or so it seems until your ex contacted you and made their appearance in your life with the new partner. From the way your ex is behaving, there is no doubt in your mind about their intentions. They want to flaunt their current relationship and make you feel inferior and jealous. That is immature behavior, for sure.
If you can, ignore it. Pay them back in the same coin only if you’re confident of carrying it through successfully.
7. Your ex wants a reunion
This is common enough in breakups, whether your ex initiated it or not. Then, your ex must have felt a breakup is the best way forward. They walked out on you and left you in the lurch.
But things may not have panned out the way they anticipated after the breakup. Maybe your ex couldn’t find someone else better than you or got fed up with being single. Whatever their reason is, they contacted you because they want to get back together with you. They are looking for a second chance.
Even if this were their intention when they contacted you, your ex may not come clean with it immediately. They may try to make you fall in love with them again and restart the relationship.
8. Your ex wants to flaunt their accomplishments
Your ex may have found much success after the breakup. They may be convinced that you’re the one who prevented them from accomplishing success. Now, your ex is contacting you to show off their new achievements. They are trying to rub it in your face.
There is no other reason for them to contact you after the breakup. Neither do they love you nor do they care for you. They are hoping that this will make you feel guilty. Don’t allow your ex to spoil your life any further. Keep them at arm’s length.
9. Your ex is looking for closure
The relationship ended on a bitter note. The breakup happened so abruptly. There was no time for farewell speeches or goodbyes. Your ex went out of your life before you realized its implications. It must have been the same for your ex as well.
By the time they managed to catch their breath and calm themselves down after the breakup, you were nowhere near them. Now that things have stabilized in their life, your ex is seeking closure in your relationship. Your ex contacted you because they want to set it right, as you both ended things badly. They want to tie up the loose strings and make it as best as they can in the circumstances.
Maybe your ex finds it hard to move on without a proper closure after the breakup. This may benefit you as well.
10. Your ex left something behind and wants it back
This is understandable. Sometimes, breakups happen in the heat of the moment. Your ex must have walked out on you all of a sudden. They never bothered to collect their things because they were not in the right mental space to face you after the breakup. Now, they are in a much better place and contacted you because they want their things back.
This move of your ex may pan out either way. They may be honest and straightforward when contacting you. Or their real intention may be to settle scores with you. They may claim that you owe them money or you have borrowed things from them and ask you to return them.
Tread with caution if this is the case.
How to Best Deal with the Situation?
The breakup with your partner is not easy, especially if the relationship is serious and going on for a considerable time. When you receive a call or text from your ex after you broke up and months of no contact, your initial reaction would be that of surprise.
The first thing for you to do is to figure out the reason why they are contacting you out of the blue. Once you know whether their intention is good or bad, you can come up with the right response. But remember to make decisions independently and not allow yourself to be bullied into doing things.
Here are a few responses you might want to consider when your ex contacts you after you broke up and moved on.
- Agree to meet up with them only if you are comfortable with it.
- If you’re against the idea, don’t hesitate to say no to their request.
- You are well within your rights to say no. There’s no need for you to give any explanations.
- You can say that you’ve moved on in life and aren’t comfortable meeting them, not even as friends.
- If your ex is brushing your refusals aside, you can go silent on them. In short, ghost them.
- If you want to, you can tell them that there’s someone else in your life. At best, you can be friends.
- You don’t need to put up with their showing off their new life.
- Ask them point-blank what they expect from you.
- If it gets too annoying, block their numbers.
- If you’re interested in reconciliation, meet up with them with an open mind. If you want to be just friends, make it clear to them, but set boundaries.
- If your ex wants to have a conversation with you to clear the misunderstandings, go for it. It will help you also.
- If your ex wants to be friends with you, give them a chance if you’re comfortable with the idea.
The Bottom Line
When your ex calls or texts you out of the blue, you may not have any clue about their intentions. Do they want to rekindle the relationship or just want to be friends? Or do they have any ulterior motives? If you think there’s a chance that their intentions are good, give it a go. You will know what they want from you only after talking to them.
You are the best person to decide how to deal with the situation as you know your ex-partner the best and what they are capable of. Most importantly, don’t let them bully you into doing things you don’t want to.
If you don’t want to talk to them, it’s ok. Don’t let them spoil your new life.
