Relationships are tricky. In most couples, it’s a hit-or-a-miss thing.
Trouble brews in a relationship when the partners are not in sync. That is when they have diverse viewpoints on the same matter or they want to approach something in different ways.
In a relationship, one may be a romantic and doesn’t shy away from PDA, while the other may be too shy and would consider PDA a no-no. One may be an extrovert while the other is an introvert. While one wears their heart on their sleeves, so to speak, the other wants to keep everything private and quiet.
But if you don’t feel like a priority to your girlfriend, that is definitely not good for the relationship, whether this is actually true or not. For all you know, your girlfriend may be loving you as much as you love her or even more. But she may not display her affection for you as much as you do or you would want her to. It would be unwise to jump to conclusions here and walk out of the relationship.
That said, you are justified in feeling left out by her in the relationship. In this article, we explore the nitty-gritty of a relationship – why you feel she doesn’t prioritize you and what you can do to resolve it amicably.
11 reasons why you don’t feel like a priority to your girlfriend
When you feel that she doesn’t prioritize you, the most obvious answer would be that your girlfriend has lost interest in you and the relationship. As said earlier, this may or may not be right.
Before you go ahead and confront her or take some action that may damage the relationship, it would be better to understand what is making you feel this way. This includes your own way of thinking and some of her actions.
Let’s get started.
1. You have insecurity issues
Most of us suffer from varying levels of insecurity issues. This will become more pronounced in a relationship. When you’re insecure, your perspective of what is happening to you and around you will be distorted. Your girlfriend may be actually being nice to you and giving you enough attention. But you seem not to recognize it. You may continue to think that she doesn’t prioritize you.
You want to follow a certain narrative and you see only what fits in with this narrative. Everything else, you are ignoring. You called her and your girlfriend didn’t answer your call. She didn’t return your call for a few hours and you surmised that you’re not a priority in her life. There may be a simple explanation for this turn of events. Your girlfriend may have been busy and reached out to you at the first available opportunity.
It would be unwise of you to twist yourself into pretzels over such an everyday occurrence.
Your feeling of insecurity may be a result of your past experiences – a lack of parental attention, childhood abuse, or even a hard-to-please partner in the past relationship may result in a lack of self-belief and trust in others.
Stop overthinking and relax. All relationships go through ups and downs. Take things in your stride and enjoy the beautiful relationship you share.
2. She always has a busy schedule
Your girlfriend loves you and cares much about you. You too know this. But she rarely finds time to spend much time with you or do couples activities. Blame it on her busy schedule or the nature of her work, but thinking that you’re no longer a priority in her life would be ridiculous.
Your girlfriend may be a student with tight deadlines. Or she juggles more than one job. You knew about this when you started the relationship. Then, you were in awe of her superwoman-like multitasking capabilities, juggling her busy schedule with ease. Now, the same thing is irritating you. You think she doesn’t prioritize you. Moreover, she expects you to understand her lack of time to do the regular couple’s things.
There is also a chance that her studies or work are her priority over you. As far as she’s concerned, yours is just a casual relationship that your girlfriend uses to provide a distraction from her hectic schedule. If you aren’t comfortable with this setup, you’re free to walk out of the relationship.
3. Her friends are more important to her
Or for that matter her family too. Your girlfriend may not be willing to cancel a family get-together or friends’ day out to go out on a date with you. Come to think of it, what is wrong with her standpoint? She is already committed to these engagements and she wants to keep her word. It wouldn’t be right for you to expect her to drop everything at short notice to be with you.
But your girlfriend isn’t willing to abandon her family or friends doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or your relationship. Or that you are lower on her priority list. After all, she’s in a relationship with you. Your relationship should mean something.
You need to understand that there are days when a girl wants to unwind with friends rather than spend time with you. It’s entirely up to her which one she chooses. If she chooses her friends and family over her relationship with you, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t prioritize you.
4. Your relationship has just begun
The initial days of a relationship are usually spent on knowing each other and figuring out how compatible the partner is. At this stage in the relationship, you cannot expect your girlfriend to give you top priority.
Even if it is a love-at-first-sight kind of relationship, you need to give yourself and your girlfriend some time to get used to each other’s presence in life. A healthy relationship takes time to build. Making each other the priority comes much later in a relationship.
5. She’s cheating
Cheating is the worst scenario in a relationship when you feel that your girlfriend doesn’t prioritize you. Your girlfriend is no longer interested in you or the relationship and has already found someone else who makes her feel special. She is cheating on you. So, she doesn’t feel you need to be treated as a priority in her life.
Your girlfriend may be hesitant to let you know about her cheating. Maybe she is worried about your reaction. Or she’s not sure about this new person in her life and is stalling for time to make sure he is good enough before leaving you.
She will continue not to treat you as a priority in her life until the truth dawns on you. This is a hard time for you as well as her.
6. You expect too much from her
You demand constant attention from her and act clingy. You expect her to make you feel special. No matter how much time and energy your girlfriend gives you, you are never happy or satisfied with her. You don’t feel like a priority in her life. This is too much for her to deal with on top of her own problems.
You expect her to make all your trouble go away with her magic wand. This may happen in fairy tales but seldom in real life. If you don’t scale down your expectations from your girlfriend, your relationship may be short-lived. She’ll feel compelled to break up the relationship with you.
7. She’s an introvert
Your girlfriend keeps her feelings and thoughts to herself and isn’t used to spelling them out. She’s also not very adept at expressing her love or showing affection for you in explicit ways. People like this are mostly misunderstood because they’re silent and inexpressive. That, in no way, says anything about what they actually feel inside.
It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone like this when you are a romantic and keen on showing affection for each other and talking about it. When you buy her flowers or gifts, she may not express her happiness to you. This can be hard for you to take. But that doesn’t mean you’re not a priority in her life.
8. She’s acting aloof
You really don’t get this one. If your girlfriend loves you, you expect her to like being near you and talking to you. She should naturally want to spend as much time as she can afford with you. But she has been acting detached and withdrawn from the beginning. Whenever you suggest that you spend time together, she will find some way to excuse herself.
Have you noticed whether your girlfriend acts this way with others? If so, this is just who she is – her personality. However, if your girlfriend takes out this attitude only with you or only recently, you should take note of this. Maybe something is not right in your relationship.
9. There’s a lack of communication
From the beginning, it has been this way in the relationship. There’s only minimal talk between the two of you. You cannot expect to be a priority in her life when she doesn’t know you well enough. Without talking to each other, there’s no prospect of knowing each other well enough to be each other’s priority.
This is a strange situation to be in. Communication is vital for knowing each other and this happens the most at the beginning of the relationship. When this doesn’t happen, you cannot expect to proceed to the next stage in the relationship when partners are each other’s priority. If this situation continues for long, your relationship is bound to fail.
10. She felt upset by something you did
Your girlfriend is head over heels in love with you and wants this relationship to last forever. But she has certain expectations from you and the relationship and you let her down again and again. She’s angry and disappointed by your behavior. More so, because you never acknowledged your mistake or apologized.
Your girlfriend may have tried talking to you about this but you must have brushed her aside saying this is how it is in a relationship. She may have felt disillusioned by you and fast losing interest in you and the relationship. She actually changes her attitude toward you and doesn’t prioritize you or even act this way to garner your attention. She wants you to feel miserable just as you made her feel miserable.
11. You have different ideas about the relationship
One of you may be serious about the relationship, while the other may be treating it as a casual fling. If your girlfriend is not treating her relationship with you seriously, there is no reason your girlfriend should treat you as a priority in her life.
She may be in casual relationships with others as well. You may be just one of the people she’s in a relationship with. Your girlfriend may be playing the field to pick the best one for her. You can’t expect her to treat you as a priority in her life unless she is in a relationship with you exclusively.
What are your options when you don’t feel like a priority to your girlfriend?
If you feel something is not right in your relationship, as a first step, you should initiate a conversation with your partner. Take care to avoid an accusatory tone when talking to her.
It would be unwise to think that this issue will sort itself out if given time. This is not going to disappear; your relationship is bound to get worse with each passing day.
Here are a few actions you can pursue to gain clarity on the issue.
- Make her aware of how her behavior is making you feel.
- You can tell that your insecurity is getting worse when she doesn’t prioritize you.
- Let her know how important it’s for you to spend time with her.
- Check with her whether she can spend more time with you.
- Make friends with her friends and join her gang.
- Be patient and don’t expect her to change overnight.
- Make an effort to see the situation from her perspective.
- Try to understand her constraints and love her unconditionally.
- Stop being an attention seeker. Stop acting clingy.
- Talk it out with her.
- Ensure that the two of you expect the same thing from the relationship.
- If you have made mistakes, accept them and make amends. Make the effort to change.
- Make sure that she’s not cheating on you.
- If you find it hard to figure her out, ask her directly what is troubling her and where you stand in her life.
The Bottom Line
When you don’t feel like a priority in her life, it can be as clear as daylight or just something you deduced. Either way, if you know the exact reason for her acting that way, you can figure out your response.
While at this, you need to remember that you are two individuals with diverse upbringings, behavioral patterns, and expectations bound together in a relationship. What is right for you may not be right for her and vice versa.
Deal with the situation in a calm manner without jumping to conclusions.
Related: I Messed Up My Chance With Her
