Finding out your boyfriend still helps his ex can hurt. You may feel confused, jealous, or worried he still cares for her. It’s normal to have lots of feelings about this tricky situation.
First, take a deep breath. Many reasons could explain why your boyfriend still helps his ex-girlfriend, including his kind type by nature or his remaining good friends with his ex. Try not to jump to conclusions yet. Speak calmly with your boyfriend first. Listen closely to understand his side.
This article will walk you through why he might help her. It’ll also give tips on handling it. Then, use the tips below to have a productive talk. The better you communicate, the sooner you’ll feel at ease again.
Reasons Why Your Boyfriend May Still Help His Ex
1. They have remained good friends
Your ex-girlfriend may stay in touch if they end the relationship mutually and want to keep the friendship.
Suppose he seems eager to enable her or spends more time than reasonable; share that you feel uncomfortable or insecure. But first, seek to understand if he wants to avoid fighting or feels empathy, obligation, or kindness as a friend.
2. The breakup was amicable
An amicable breakup can mean both people feel comfortable staying friends. Your boyfriend may not want to be possessive or demand that she not contact him.
If helping her makes him act guilty or you miss signs he wants to reconnect, communicate your feelings calmly.
3. He has resources or connections that can help her
If your boyfriend is well-connected, his ex may contact him for professional help. This ongoing business relationship may not mean he still cares for her. Watch his behavior to see if he seems eager to assist her for other reasons.
While networking contacts can blur personal and professional boundaries, you deserve reassuring priority and commitment.
4. She reciprocates help to him as well
Does your boyfriend’s ex also support him when needed? Reciprocity can continue a friendship but also renew bonds.
Kindly share if this friendship makes you uncomfortable. Seek to understand rather than walk away or make demands.
5. He believes you would help an ex too
Your boyfriend might think you’d do the same in this situation. He could feel compelled to help if it sounds like his ex-partner is in dire need.
Discuss openly whether he’s helping her for empathy or other reasons that make this situation uncomfortable for you.
6. She seems to be in desperate need
If your boyfriend can’t help but assist his ex when she’s struggling, understand his intention may be good even if it doesn’t work for you.
Communicate openly if this dynamic feels one-sided or crosses boundaries. Appeal to his sense of empathy for your feelings, too.
7. He feels terrible saying no to someone in need
As a kind man, your boyfriend may feel compelled to help anyone less fortunate, including his ex. Let him know firmly but kindly if this mutual aid makes you uneasy.
See if you can establish terms that work for both of you. His care and generosity are admirable qualities, but not at the expense of your needs in the relationship.
8. Helping makes him feel noble/virtuous
For various reasons, helping his ex could make your boyfriend feel good about himself. Don’t assume he has ulterior motives without understanding the context.
Share openly whenever you need more attention or priority instead. If supporting her meets his emotional needs in ways that cross lines for you, revisit setting healthy boundaries.
9. He hopes staying friends means no awkward run-ins
As a kind man, your boyfriend might want to avoid awkwardness with his ex. He could sound eager to ensure good terms mutually.
He deserves an explanation if this gives you insecurity emotionally or makes you feel there’s no one else he should rely on.
While wanting to remain friends is understandable, your comfort and security in the relationship should be his priority now.
10. He likes feeling needed and relied upon
It’s possible your boyfriend craves feeling helpful and relied upon by his ex in ways that cross lines for you.
Let him know if this sounds like over-involvement or cheating emotionally. Establish boundaries based on what qualifies as friendship without meeting each other’s emotional needs.
11. He still has some residual feelings for her
Let’s be real – some residual feelings after a breakup are normal. But it’s fair for you to expect his focus as your boyfriend.
If he seems too eager to console his ex or meet her needs, he may not have moved on as much as you thought. Kindly but firmly demand the priority you deserve at this point.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Helps His Ex
Communicate your feelings calmly
If his ex owes you an apology for broken heart psychology, assure you get one before moving on. If professional help facilitates closure, seek it out.
But don’t try to change or control someone else’s harmless interactions—express jealousy calmly in letters or texts. Focus the date on understanding all perspectives.
Involve yourself in their interactions
Rather than demand he stop contacting his ex, get clarity by involving yourself directly in their conversations. Attend a lunch meeting. Ask to read texts.
Make your presence known in several ways while dating someone with this history. Integrating yourself into their interactions respectfully can help ease your doubts or insecurities regarding their relationship.
Get clarity from him on the situation
Don’t assume – get the full story directly from your boyfriend. He needs to explain precisely what kind of relationship, contact, or support still flows between them.
If his reasons assure and satisfy you, offer your understanding. Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions, then actively listen without judgment to encourage his honesty and build trust.
Spend focused quality time together
Schedule dedicated dates and experiences to reconnect one-on-one. Bond by enjoying activities you both love.
Appreciate this focused time to reinforce your priority in his life right now. Regular interactions without distractions can help improve intimacy, trust, understanding, and commitment.
Seek to understand all perspectives
Before making demands, seek to put yourself in everyone’s shoes. You can have a balanced discussion if you can understand why your boyfriend wants to help his ex, why she relies on him, and why that worries you.
Approach the conversation with empathy, wisdom, and maturity. Developing this level of perspective and emotional intelligence will build more satisfying relationships.
Set boundaries if needed
If certain types of help your boyfriend gives his ex make you too uncomfortable, establish reasonable boundaries.
Don’t attempt to control him or isolate him from friendships. But explain what types of support cross lines for you going forward.
See if you can agree on terms and transparency that help you feel secure while understanding their past.
Final Thoughts
When your boyfriend still helps his ex, it’s normal to feel unsure, jealous, or worried he still has feelings for her. But avoid jumping to conclusions before understanding the full context.
Communicate calmly and directly to get clarity. Involve yourself to observe their interactions if needed. Then, thoughtfully establish boundaries if certain support he gives her crosses lines for you.
The tips here aim to help you process hurt feelings, work through insecurities, and strengthen trust. You can overcome this challenge with openness, empathy, and commitment to quality time together.
