Not so long back, phones were merely instruments used to talk to people who are far away. Not anymore!
Even the basic mobile phones didn’t have much in them. Maybe texting and a few basic games. With the advent of smartphones and a multitude of apps and social media accounts later, phones have taken on a more personal role in a person’s life. Our phones contain so much personal information and we rely on the phones for virtually everything that we are lost without them.
It’s not wrong to state that a phone carries the identity of its owner. Protecting the contents of one’s phone is at the top of the list when we are talking about privacy. This is the reason why we protect our phones with high-security passwords.
It’s alright that you want to protect the contents of your phone from the prying eyes of strangers. But what about your partner? How would you feel when your girlfriend won’t let you see her phone? How would you react to this?
You may feel disappointed and disillusioned that your girlfriend doesn’t trust you even this much. Without trust, you may wonder how far your relationship would last. You may want to rethink your future with her.
But before going ahead with this line of thought and jumping to conclusions, it would be better for you to understand her reasons for not letting you see her phone. Once you are aware of her reasons, you can decide on your course of action.
Read on to learn about the reasons and dos and don’ts when your girlfriend won’t let you see her phone.
Common reasons why your girlfriend keeps her phone to herself
Now, the mobile phone is as personal a gadget as you can find for anyone. It’s exclusively hers and intimately private. Your girlfriend has every right to keep it private and not reveal it to you. You can treat it as part of the boundaries in the relationship.
However, if you are curious about her reasons for keeping her phone from you, read on.
1. She values her privacy
She sure likes you and wants to be in a relationship with you. This may not mean that she’s an open book like you. In relationships, it is said that opposites attract.
Your relationship may still be new and she hasn’t gotten around to knowing you that well. She isn’t yet ready to reveal everything about herself to you. Give her time and she may come around. But be aware that some partners guard their privacy much longer or even forever.
No need for you to see it as a hostile move and feel offended by her behavior. Neither should you persist with her to let you see her phone. This will hurt your relationship. Let it be and move on. She will let you into her inner circle when she feels confident about you.
2. She has set boundaries
Boundaries are essential for a healthy relationship. Keeping her phone private is part of the boundary your girlfriend has set for you in the relationship. Then, it’s up to you to respect her wishes. Because transgressing the boundaries means you’re disrespecting her.
If you’re feeling infuriated by this, just think about the boundaries you have set for her. You may not want her to question you about certain things. If you’re looking forward to a happy and healthy relationship, you should learn to respect each other’s boundaries. There’s no need to feel offended.
3. Phone’s private
Amongst the myriad ways we use our smartphones nowadays, phones contain so much of our personal information and serve as personal diaries as well. It may also contain personal conversations she had with her near and dear ones. Her social media accounts may be easily accessible on her phone. So, your girlfriend cannot be faulted for not letting you take a peek into her phone.
When you expect her to share her phone with you, you’re as good as asking her to let you read her diary. Has your relationship progressed enough for you to ask her this question?
Even if you feel that you have become close enough for this, she may not feel so. She will let you see her phone when she feels sure about you and the relationship. You have to wait until then.
4. She may have important records and documents on her phone
Nowadays the amount of information we store on our phones is mindblowing. This small device has turned into an all-in-one gadget for us. Your girlfriend may have work-related or financial documents on her phone that she doesn’t want you to see.
At the beginning of the relationship, expecting your girlfriend to share her private documents and details is asking for too much. Even if you have been together for a while now, it’s up to your girlfriend to decide what she wants to share with you. Be patient and she will grant you access to her phone when the time’s ready.
5. She may have had bad experiences before
In the past, she may have trusted someone and they betrayed her trust. After that, she may be finding it hard to trust others. She has trust issues. If you try to sneak a peek into her phone, you’re violating the boundary and betraying her trust. Trust once lost in a relationship is hard to regain.
There’s no need for you to feel bad about this. In fact, if you try to see her phone behind her back, imagine how she would feel about it. Give her time and work towards gaining her trust. She will overcome her trust issues eventually.
6. She finds it hard to trust others
She has been betrayed by many people and this has made her suspicious of everyone. She has trust issues and doesn’t know you well enough to trust you completely. Whenever she manages to consider you trustworthy, she will let you get closer to her. She will let you see her phone. Until then, you need to be patient and work on gaining her trust.
Maybe she saw you taking a sneak peek at her phone. Or, she finds some of your behavior suspicious and untrustworthy. Or the way you reacted when she last let you see her phone is making her anxious.
7. She doesn’t want a fight
Maybe the way you reacted when she let you see her phone the last time is the reason. You may have questioned her about the people she was with in the photos on her phone. Or where she had been to or how much she was spending. She isn’t interested in a debate or conflict. She knows that showing you her phone would start off another round of back and forth with you. She wants to avoid this.
Think about how you reacted to the contents of her phone earlier. How would you have felt if the role was reversed? Would you have allowed your girlfriend to see your phone if she reacted the way you did? Respect her privacy and boundaries. Once you gain her trust, she may let you get close to her.
8. She’s quiet and reticent
She is not the kind of person who likes to talk much, let alone about herself. She would like to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself. In some ways, it can be said that she’s secretive. This may or may not mean that she’s hiding something. This might be just her nature.
Even if she’s hiding a secret, it may not have anything to do with you. She may have some mental health conditions that she’s not willing to reveal. Or this may be related to something that happened to her in the past – a trauma that she’s not keen to relive or an experience that will make her feel embarrassed.
9. She’s embarrassed
Your girlfriend may have stored something on her phone that she isn’t comfortable showing you. She may be embarrassed about it. This need not be something major or important. People tend to save things on their phones as they are interested in them. She may not consider them silly but others may. She may be scared that you will make fun of her if she lets you see them.
It may not be just about the contents of her phone that she’s worried about. She may feel that once you’re aware of what she is interested in, you will think lowly of her and may even break up with her. She cannot be faulted for hiding such things from you.
10. She’s actually hiding something
This is not something that cannot be ruled out. Maybe she’s having an affair and her phone has photos of her with her new boyfriend. Or she may be worried that you might get to know the kind of creepy websites she visited from her phone history.
However, you shouldn’t accuse her without adequate proof. And if your girlfriend is not letting you see her phone, don’t jump to conclusions that she’s cheating on you or that she’s weird or kinky.
How should you handle this situation?
In a relationship, especially in the initial stages, building trust is important. For this, you need to respect her privacy and boundaries. You need to recognize her phone as an extension of herself and peeking at it behind her back is a total no-no.
Just because you’re in a relationship with her doesn’t automatically entitle you to see her phone. If you think so, then, it’s your fault. You have no right to demand or force her to hand over her phone to you.
This is the time for you to be patient and think with a clear head. Don’t go by her denial to let you see her phone to arrive at conclusions. If you see other reasons to be suspicious, have an open conversation with her before making any decision.
Here are a few suggestions on how you can manage this situation.
Dos
- Honor her right to privacy
- Treat her with the respect she deserves.
- Spend quality time with her, preferably avoiding the phone.
- Initiate interesting conversations with her, making sure that the topic interests her.
- Work on building trust.
- Allow her space to make her own decisions.
- If you’re aware that she’s cheating, have a serious conversation with her about it.
Don’ts
- Don’t peek into her phone behind her back.
- Don’t force or nag her to show you her phone.
- Don’t question her about what she’s doing with her phone.
- Don’t research her contacts list and comment on it.
- Don’t pester her by asking uncomfortable questions.
- Don’t force or corner her into doing things against her wishes.
The Bottom Line
For most of us, our phones are our lifelines – our link with the rest of the world. It is our refuge when we are feeling low and in times of crisis. In fact, many of us value our phones more than the most important human in our lives. That reveals the true picture of our relationship with the phone.
The fact that we have a relationship with an inanimate entity itself is weird but true. A phone is as personal and private as it can get for anyone. The phone encompasses the owner’s personality and life in the most accurate of ways. When this is the case, going behind your girlfriend’s back and sneaking a look at her phone is nothing but a betrayal of her trust.
If you find yourself troubled by this and you are asking yourself why she’s hiding her phone from you, you are on the wrong track. Recognize and accept your faults. You may still have time to find the right path.
Related: Why My Boyfriend Has Pictures Of His Ex On His Phone?
