I’ll never forget when a guy I was interested in asked me “What are you looking for in a relationship?” on our first date. I didn’t know how to answer at first.
Was he trying to see if I wanted something casual or serious? Did he just want to get to know my views, or was he hinting that he liked me? I felt confused about his intentions.
When a guy asks what you’re looking for in a relationship, there are a few things it could mean. He might be trying to gauge your interest level and see if you’d be open to dating him. Or he may want to have a conversation to know your passions or habits to see if you’re a good match.
In this article, we’ll explore the different reasons a guy might ask this question and how to respond. Whether you’re looking for a casual partner or a serious relationship, understanding his motivations is key. So, let’s get started.
What Does It Mean When A Guy Asks What Are You Looking For
There are a few key reasons a guy may ask what you’re looking for in a relationship.
He wants to see if you match
A guy asks this question to see if you want the same kind of relationship as him. If he wants to get married and have kids someday, he’s trying to find out if that’s also what you want.
Or if casual dating is his thing, he wants to know if you’re seeking the same. By asking this, he’s trying to figure out early on if you have the same relationship goals.
If you both want the same level of commitment and family plans, he’ll feel you might really work out. But if you don’t agree on what you want in a partner, he may pull away.
This question helps him be upfront about what he wants in a relationship. And he can learn if your priorities line up with his. If so, that’s a great sign you’ll be a good match.
He’s gauging your interest
Another reason a guy may ask what you’re looking for is to find out your interest in dating him. He wants to know if you’re open to a relationship before he invests too much emotion in it.
If you express excitement about finding a long-term partner, he’ll see that as a green light to ask you out. Your enthusiasm shows him you’re looking for something serious. But if you don’t want any romantic relationship now, he’ll take that as a sign to back off.
Essentially, this question allows him to take your romantic temperature, so to speak. He’s determining if you’re ready and eager to meet someone new for dating. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s totally smitten with you already. But he’s just testing the waters to see relationship potential.
The bright side? If you do have a crush on him, this gives you a prime opportunity to convey your interest subtly. Let him know you’re looking for someone compatible to share life experiences with. Your openness will assure him you’d welcome his advances. And likely give him the confidence to ask you out on a date soon.
He’s just making small talk
A man asking about your relationship goals may simply want to chat and not have any hidden motives. Especially in early conversations, he might ask this to keep the discussion flowing. For example, if you just met at a networking event or party, this could be his way of breaking the ice.
He may just want to know your perspective on relationships and get to know you better if you’re in the same friend group. There’s no need to assume he’s interested in dating you.
When a guy asks about your past relationships, it may not mean he’s interested in dating you. Just be honest and avoid oversharing or misinterpreting his intentions. Asking this type of question can help you understand each other better. It’s a low-pressure way to gain insight into each other.
He’s asking for a friend
Sometimes, he’ll ask what you’re looking for in a relationship for a friend. If his friend likes you but is too shy to ask, he might try to find out if you’re single.
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So, if you know this guy’s got a shy friend who’s kinda into you, chances are he’s just playing middleman. He’s trying to make things less awkward for his timid buddy.
By casually posing this question, he’s attempting to lay the groundwork for his friend to ask you out later. He’s trying to scope out if you’re single, emotionally available, and open to dating someone new. If his buddy finally gets the guts to reach out to you directly, he’s already got a good shot at succeeding.
This may feel like an indirect route, but guys often use their social connections when pursuing a potential partner. It helps them avoid nervousness and gives them insider knowledge about you.
So, if a guy who seems bored asks about your relationship goals, he might be checking for his buddy. Don’t blow him off before you think about which of his friends could be interested.
He needs validation
Sometimes, a guy asks this question because he’s feeling insecure and wants reassurance. If he was recently dumped or rejected, he may want validation that he’s still a good partner.
For example, if his ex said she wasn’t ready for commitment, he could ask to ensure her opinion is in the minority. He might want to know that a woman with similar relationship goals as him exists somewhere out there.
Basically, he’s looking for you to reinforce that he has the qualities someone wants in a partner. Wanting what he brings to the table boosts his confidence.
However, this is more about his issues than real interest or compatibility with you. Make sure to empathize but maintain boundaries if he crosses into venting.
Don’t feel you have to modify your answers to appease his ego, though.
Signs He’s Into You
There are some clues that can help you figure out if a guy who asks this likes you more than a friend.
One is if he compares you to other girls in a nice way. For example, if he says you seem more mature. That’s probably a sign he’s crushing on you.
Also, check his body language when you hang out. If he makes a lot of eye contact, leans in close, and faces you, these hints mean he wants a serious relationship. If he seems distracted and far away, he may just see you as a friend.
When and where he asks also matters. If he asks while you’re alone, he likely means it. But if he just brings it up casually in a group, that points to regular friend behavior.
How to Respond When a Guy Asks What Are You Looking For
Here are some tips on how to respond when a guy asks what you’re looking for in a relationship:
Being open and honest is key. There’s no need to downplay or hide what you want in a partner. If you’re seeking something casual or very long-term, don’t feel shy about expressing that.
If you’re unsure what you want, simply tell him you’re still figuring it out. There’s no set timeline for understanding your ideal relationship. An honest response that you’re exploring different dynamics and being intentional in your dating life is fair.
Make sure to tailor your response to your own desires, not what you think he may want to hear. For example, if you know you don’t want kids, don’t say you’re open to a family someday just because he brought up wanting to be a dad.
The goal is to answer this question in a way that feels right for where you’re at. Be transparent about your relationship goals while also recognizing they can evolve.
Conclusion
When a guy asks the tricky question “What are you looking for?”, know there’s nothing wrong with taking time to reflect before answering. Your preferences and relationship blueprint aren’t set in stone.
If you aren’t sure, don’t be afraid to say “I’m still figuring out what I might be looking for in a partner.” That’s okay. As long as you’re being honest with yourself and your partner, you can take all the time you need.
In the end, it is more important to find someone who shares your desires than to rush into an uncomfortable relationship.
